Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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