when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
