We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
