I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We were destined to go to rehab together
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
