Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
