I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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