How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
