No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
