My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
