I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
