Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
