I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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