Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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