i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize