So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
