My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
