the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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