the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She's the barista slut.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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