My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
