you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
