This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
