I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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