My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize