clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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