Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
