you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
