I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize