That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
