How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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