shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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