Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
