The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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