I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
