my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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