Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
