North Korea, Best Korea!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
