ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
