Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
