i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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