You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
