oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
