He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
