So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
