I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
