dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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