He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
