We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize