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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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