he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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