sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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