so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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