You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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