I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
