WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize