we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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