Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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