I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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