She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
