I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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