I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
