I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
