ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize