I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
