and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
that is very illegal...i love you.
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