Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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