I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
