The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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