I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
