Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
