Rock
Scissors
Fuck
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
