How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
