Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
