We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
